Sarang of the Water Lily….

They all said in their singsong accent that I haven’t seen the real Kerala if I haven’t seen the backwaters. I only smiled at the stranger mallyalis knowing that my tour schedule is governed by a headmaster and does not permit me to decide much!

And then the God decided to surprise me in his own country!

Our return railway tickets remained unconfirmed till the last day. Now I have no other choice but to spend a night on a house boat in Vembanad Lake, Kumarakom, Kerala, until my return commute is arranged! Yeey!!

A seen-in-pictures type “kairali” houseboat stood swaying serenely at the jetty, with its dried coconut leaf mats and a bronze plate bearing name “water Lily” gleaming in the evening light… Mr Thomas Abraham greeted us with a toothy smile and a pet name longer than his first name, “aniyan Kunju” meaning little brother.

This little brother owned a few paddy fields in the backwaters along with a houseboat (costing app. 40lakhs) his plain white mundu and modest smile did not hint about being rich!!

While we settled aboard, a silent boat crew of two burly mallyalis took the sailor wheel. I was too occupied with the coconut orchards and tiny houses tucked here and there, that were passing swiftly behind as our boat sailed away from the jetty…into the wonder filled enchanting world of the Lagoon….

Standing unaided on the top deck, feeling soft moist wind and glow of setting sun on my face….. I could almost imagine what Jack Dawson must have felt… like being the king of the world!!

These boats are highly equipped for luxurious stay which probably means a dish TV and air conditioned bedrooms with smart compact attached toilets, fine upholstery and a hidden kitchen! Dinner on a houseboat is a long event, with finest fish fries arriving at the table, wine glasses glinting and conversations that last a long time. Finally I could smile and bid a goodnight to everyone and escape from the dinner deck….

The top deck was bathed in moonlight…. I could see the entire lagoon rippling and throwing slivers of moonlight in many directions… like molten silver holding the boat afloat! There was soft mist around the silhouettes of coconut trees at some faraway shore…

Last few savory sips of wine and a book of Kairali short stories was left completely forgotten beside me. I was non-existent, molten away in the moonlight…. Flowing in the rippling lagoon….swirling in the misty horizon….There was an unexplained mysterious smile depicted in my surrounds and I smiled in reply, smiled at the way I was brought here….to this night on a deck. Knowing that the beauty of this night came not from the water, moonlight or the boat… but from something within me….

I just sat still…..not knowing if my eyes were closed or open… not knowing if I was awake or asleep… till the dawn touched on eastern horizon… leaving a dreamlike night in my misted memories for lifetimes.

The morning was fresh and strikingly alive with all kinds of birds chirping trumpeting around the boat. Ducks, herons and many water birds had started out their day. And a solemn looking bee-eater sat on a dried twig taking an apparently random unexpected flight once in a while and returning to his perch with a fat dragonfly in its beak!

The sun was glowering by the time our wafting coffee mugs were empty and taken away. It was time to head home… a painful reminder that this wasn’t a home after all!

I descended to the sailor’s deck, where our boat crew, Sajjivan and Antony had prepared the boat for its return. I asked Sajjivan the word in mallyali for the boat-driver! He replied, “Sarang”.

Sajjivan gave the sailors wheel in my hand, teaching me to move the propellers the right way, winding through the small islands of waterweeds. We chatted about the life on and off water… He loved his job and life on a lagoon. His family lived in Kottyam. His daughter “Anusree” was attending one of the engineering colleges, (which are abundant throughout the kerala!)

The “water Lily” swayed back into the jetty under expert hands of her “sarang”… And as I stepped on the terra firma, I had to smile with an effort, waving a goodbye to the smiling pair of Sajjivan and antony standing on the deck.

I was left with Sajjivan’s parting words,

“Sarang… The one who steers…”

Sarang… the one who steers me into a torrent of experiences, revealing his silvery self reflected in the vessel of the world….

No wonder saints often described God spiritual literature as,

Sarang… The one who steers the boat of spirit, from mundane of earthly life into the depths of divine love….

Divine Abode of Ambadi God’s House at Thekkady

Munnaring Tourist A Stroll through the hills of Munnar

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So Glad To Love…

I always thought people who live too much in the spirit of friendship are too weak to exist individually. I thought it was some sort of gang mentality, a weakness…

Being a loner most of my tiny life, I had vast personal space and friends remained beyond the boundary of that space….loved, but at distance.

But some things…. some random things DO change your perspective….

And lately mine has changed drastically!

I lost one person I loved, by the hands of death and another loved one chose to walk away. When the most possessively treasured relationships of my life suddenly got severed… I opened my eyes to unbelievable number of people that loved me even from outside my boundary of personal space…. People that I never let approach me fully, and yet found me worthy of their love….

The moment my big empty balloon of space broke with two blows of some divine interference… all the love, all the wonderful faith and strength rushed into my world…. when I imagined I should be in pain of loss…. It overwhelmed me with joy of immeasurable gain….

It feels like floating in a sea of love…rippling, warm and full of light…..sea that cradles me in my highs and lows….without letting me suffocate even when I sink!

Some love silently…. Some love jubilantly! Some humor me and some make me proud…. In the constant rush of interactions, I still remain ME…. being a tiny drop of this sea of people does not diminish me anymore…. It rather enhances the ability to express my individuality…. And yet I notice a thin underlining of oneness with the sea of people….

“Me and them”, are one yet special…

“Me and them”, exist yet don’t…

“Me and them”, remain free yet love…

“Me and them” are a wonderful concoction of emotions and thoughts…. A kaleidoscope of life and its variant joys… beauty and a heavenly reason for it to exist!

This is life as it should be… hurts, shocks and pains are just there, sitting in corner moaning about their vacant selves…. You can choose to sit with them and moan too…. But you CANNOT!! So beautiful is the co-existence of “Me and Them” that I cannot mourn anymore….about anything in life….

And for the first time I realized that for years I was sitting alone…. And mourning my own demise…that had not actually happened…. The moment I let THEM in… they pulled me out…forced me to LIVE and let the trapped and bruised LOVE flow out in every possible direction…. Never worry about where to flows to! There is too much love to contain… too much love to keep account of…. Too much love to withhold!

I know you will wonder WHO the hell are “THEM” in this whole issue! If you felt vibration of strong toxic love while reading this,

you are already part of my “THEM”!!

So let me tell you something I never said before….

I LOVE YOU…. AND AM SO GLAD THAT YOU LOVE ME TOO…

Love for Life…

(I am writing this because it needs to be said, not to entertain you and me. It would have been more interesting in usual fairy tale manner…but sometimes there is no time to weave stories around…. sometimes it is better to be clean and honest with you, my loved reader)

 

It is love that brings immense joy….
But it is intense pain that conceives such intense love….
To love is to overcome that pain…
To love is to conquer the fear of loss…
To love is to lose everything….even identity….
That is the reason most of us turn their back on love….
yet they remain forever in vain search of it….
To love is to surrender to the one moment of madness..
That will set your life ablaze…make you a living legend of superhuman joy, perfection and freedom…..
a moment that only and only lives for you…no one else knows the feel of it….
to love is to never betray that moment of exaltation ever again….
Regret, shame and guilt have no space in this kingdom….
Love exists in its own proud, free and elegant way that none other can mock….
The moment you surrender to its divine beauty, it will pour out through you…the same poise and grace…
This is a surrender and a binding that paradoxically brings freedom…
The time that we live in, is a strange phase, where people are comically slaved to consumerism…. everything is ‘Instant’ to be looked up in ‘Easy to do’ manual. Same way people expect Divinity to respond ‘instantly’. But God is not a modernist nor is he your little teddy bear. It is timeless consciousness. You cannot throw impatience in the face of omnipresence! Nor can you catch a train to bliss….
Because all of this is here…now… Can you go in search of place called ‘here’ and time called ‘now’?! You cant!
You cannot not love….when God loves through you….
You cannot not go mad…when the image of pseudo-ego shatters and reveals bizarre wonder-world within you!
You cannot pretend to control your life…when you see how fickle life you are living….
It is vital that we change our perspective and see the world in new light…. there will be thousands of opportunities to let go of this soiled track of mundane life and start really living Life…start loving life…

It is so very important that we should grab one breeze and spread our wings to freedom…..

To feel tides of love, one needs to fly, break free from old fossils of pseudo-love…
Please…..Let go of the blind sleepwalk…. this isn’t life….you are yet to born….

Ragged Old Roof….

Through a tiny hole in my ragged old roof, your dazzling light falls over me….

Grateful for that ray of hope, I embrace a roomful of darkness ever so happily!

It may rain sometimes through the ragged old roof…

But I finally have decided, to never mend it…

Never will I block the rays of hope…

Never will I ban the tears of your divine love….

Falling from all over the sky….reaching me through the same….

Ragged old roof….

I know you loved me more than kings and earls….

You gave me this leaky roof, no grand palaces…not gold, not pearls….

Ambition….

I wish to be a singer so that I can sing thy name in every passing moment….

I wish to be a dancer so that I can shape my own body into a garland at thy feet….

I wish to be a painter so that I can mark the imprints of thy love….in every color and form….

I wish to be a poet so that each word I say will naturally become a prayer….

I wish to be a farmer so that I can reap thy boundless joy in the fields of my heart….

I wish to be a traveler so that I can seek thee on every stretch of land….

I wish to be a builder so that I can make every brick raised into a temple for thee…

I wish to be a sculptor and carve out your divine dream from the boulders of my habits….

I wish to be a slave and wash thy feet every single day…

I wish to be a maid and tend thee in any meager way…

I wish to be a friend for thee to share a secret…

Above all I wish to be a lover so that I can love thee in every way…..