Why don’t we take a minute to just pause from our busy life and look at it? Look at the life we are living and ask ourselves, why do we do whatever that we are doing?
“Why…really…?” I asked myself and that one question changed my life, put me through hell… and brought me to the heaven…. The roller coaster ride of life is getting crazier day by day, but this is how that started.
Once upon a time I was a normal person, staying at home, studying in an architecture school aspiring to be a successful architect and earn a lot of money by doing that…. Now have no home. I build, and am not sure about the definition of a “successful architect”. I do not make much money, to be honest, I do not make any money…. So I must definitely not be successful. It saves me the trouble of living up to the tiara of success. It leaves me free to experiment and fail and regain my bearing, and most importantly, to learn things through that chaos!
How did that happen…. Well, years ago, I met a guru. He gave me a mantra. The mantra was not a statement, but a question,
“Why?” he asked… and left me with that.
Since then, I have lived with that mantra, and it has pulled me out of numb rut of dumb ordinary life…. It continues to awaken me, because he said, being awakened is not a steady state to be reached once and for all…. it is the most dynamic state of presence. The mantra takes away dark grays of indecision and uncertainty from my actions, sifts out the irrelevant and leaves me with a tranquil clarity and joy of doing things.
The mantra also puts me through the torture of knowing that I know nothing! It keeps me uncomfortably aware of the ambiguity in me…. of all other questions and unsolved mysteries…. Yet I ask “why” to myself every day, and find myself not knowing the answer sometimes. Then I have to stop, take a breath and think to myself. Sometimes I have to change my path, or sometimes if I find the answer, move ahead with greater conviction than before.
I am now equipped to break and remain free from my own inhibitions, well, most of the times! I am free in that sense… and owe my freedom, my changed life to the guru…. The one who, I am quite uncertain if truly exists or not… now, that is some question nibbling at my brain all through the nights….
I pray sometimes, “Let him exist” and sometimes I dread, “what if he really does exist?!” Maybe it shouldn’t matter to me. I have my magic mantra… and I have moved on in life, decided not to go looking for this shady character of my imagination.
P.S. All the characters in this blog, shady or cool, are of course born out of the author’s imagination simply to prove her stubborn point. Any resemblance to real life persons will naturally exist in readers imagination. So better throw the factual chaff and explore the magic mantra….